Stove League (to the tune of "Sleigh Ride" by Leroy Anderson) (New lyrics by Deanna "Marinerd" Rubin) Just hear those cellphones beeping As trades are cheapening too. And all the press is fussin' In a stove league discussion with you. Online the fans are whining As Theo's signing up Drew. And all the scouts are gushin' In a stove league discussion with you. Sign 'em up, sign 'em up, sign 'em up, let's go It's all a big show We're giving them these contracts full of dough. Sign 'em up, sign 'em up, sign 'em up, it's lame Just playing the game. We're finding a twit who can hit So the fans recognize his name. Our roster's full of losers And beggar-choosers are we. The 40-man is frozen with the players we chose in '03. And when we're feeling braver We'll try to waiver 'em through. There's just no sense in rushin' In a stove league discussion with you. There's a Krivsky mimic by the name of Flanagan Signing ancient arms to bolster up the pen again. Seems the Mariners, Reds, and Orioles will see the biggest flop At the ticket booths when they watch attendance drop. Plop plop plop. There's a perfect roster nothing in the world can buy So we'll trade our soul for someone like Morneau or Dye. It'll nearly be like a deal pulled off by Bowden or by Beane. This wonderful plot's what we've got when the seasons are in-between! Just hear those cashbags jinglin', Agents mingling through. They'll get a deal for Lilly That'll make you look sillier too. You should consult a sponsor If you're choosing Bonds or Alou. But every batter's crushin' In a stove league discussion with you. Sign 'em up, sign 'em up, sign 'em up, let's go These choices all blow. We're looking for a catcher who can throw. Sign 'em up, sign 'em up, sign 'em up, who cares If we have young players We'll balance our team with the theme getting Thomas and Zaun and Stairs! Our lineup's big on hitters But not on splitters or curves. We'll sign a Mirabelli And he'll catch the hell he deserves. So now it's time to park it 'Cause this bidding market's a zoo. There's just no use in thinkin' when Strike zone's shrinkin' and Fastball's sinkin' and Deals are stinkin' when GM's winkin' and stove league drinkin' with you.