quotes heard at Claritech

i have a real quotes page but it goes back years and years. here are all of the quotes i've written down since coming here.

"Ack! What happened?" -- mlh
"You pushed the off button." -- mcinerny
"I did not!" -- mlh
"The one on the left-hand side is the power button..." -- bcunningham
"No, it's on the right-hand side." -- mcinerny
"I know where the power button is, duh. I just turned it on, didn't I?" -- mlh
"We figure that if there's a fire in the building, you are all intelligent enough to find your way to the nearest exit and go there."
"Will the floor light up like in Airplane?"
-- mlh, dennis, mlh
"..so we're pretty sure [the flies] came in from the outside.."
"Well, DUH."
-- dennis, mlh
"If I thought it was good that nobody raised their hand for the first option, what does that tell you?"
"We thought hand-raising was implied..."
-- mlh, matt
"On the other hand, it's soon going to say byte ME if you guys don't quit it.."
-- mlh
"They seem to have a whole lot of them now."
"Parking spaces."
-- unattributed
"When in doubt, assume it has gratuitous inheritance."
"No kidding, so I can do overrides whenever I please.."
-- exchange involving mlh and someone else
"We were asked to generate patent applications, not patentable ideas..."
-- clamen
"This is the case where you have no choice but white hot flaming death, but at least you KNOW you're doing white hot flaming death."
-- mlh
"Excuse me, you have NO idea what I'm doing, will you shut up?"
-- mlh to mcinerny
"Oh goody, there's my awesome comment! Keep scrolling down.. see my ascii art?"
-- clamen
"Real men like Mike, Mark, and myself, don't use recursive makes."
-- mcinerny
"Is that real? I mean, is it edible?"
"Oh yeah - this is a great example of better living through technology."
-- serge, ralph (about Melanie's going away cake)
"How come my balloons don't float? Melanie's floated."
"Uh, Melanie exhales helium."
-- jms, dani
"How do you classify it when you break something as part of your job?"
"Job security?"
-- arh, shannon
"Jon's going bye-bye. We're so sad, we're going to eat sweets."
-- mlh
"The second thing Jon survived was Stewart. The third thing was a meeting with Stewart *and* Todd about system design."
-- mcinerny
"Yes, but Frank is a name that we can pronounce, and that's useful."
-- mark
"What, bracelets that say 'Hi, I'm from Claritech Corporation, if you find me, please return me to...'?"
-- dani
"TDP. The Damn Product."
-- dani
"Okay, here's the big confusing picture."
"What's that big question mark in the middle?"
"Oh, that's the Suddenly a Miracle Occurs box.."
-- exchange at a meeting
"Well, the QA guys used to give the code their blessing before passing it on, but we don't do that anymore... we just say it is uncursed."
-- Seth
"If only people would realize the bullshit was flying when it flew.."
-- mlh
"Did you ask all of my questions?"
"Did you give me any?"
"Oh, then I guess I forgot."
-- dennis, clamen
"<after a watch beeping> Will whoever's that is, cut it out? Oh, it's me. Nevermind..."
-- mlh
"That's right, Justsystem, no S, Freemarkets, S.."
-- tom
"So can people who are fasting on Yom Kippur eat two pieces of cake today?"
-- dani
"I thought I had told you guys some of this before, I didn't expect it to be such a shock."
"But there's cake!"
-- mlh, tom
"Not I, I don't play golf. If I'm going to go for a walk, I'm not going to chase a little white ball around."
-- mlh
"Do any of you believe that he could come talk to you and you'd come off like a complete idiot?"
"Don't let Stewart ask any questions."
-- mlh, matt
"Apparently the way they knew Kuwait was happening was that the Pentagon ordered out for pizza right beforehand."
"You heard about this on zephyr, Stewart?"
"No, I read about it on the web!"
-- smc, matt
"David must think we like you, or something."
-- serge
"I'm *always* quiet."
-- mcinerny
"Well, Deanna, what have you gleaned from this exchange?"
"Releases suck."
-- jms, me
"So, are we just sending this to Justsystem because we feel like it?"
-- me, to mlh (Alan said it was a quote worth putting here. blah.)
"When you get rid of your Christmas tree, try our Routing tree!"
-- Matt Ittigson
(Current score as of the 12/22 DPFMT meeting -- Peck: 213 checkins Tim: 184 checkins Laura: 138 checkins Ralph: 57 checkins)
"If you want to beat me, rename another header file in Corpus."
-- Mike Peck's response to the above checkin tally
"You know, this is excellent work. This is why one day you'll be god's gift to API documentation.. if you ever learn to wake up by noon."
-- Jean
"You're making me older, dude."
-- Mark, in reply to Steve Jensen's bug report
"Well, if it's painful now, it will still be painful later."
-- Mark
"Instead of developing this, we should just sell people an email address and give them peace of mind because they will have somewhere to send their spam."
-- Matt
"Our website is pink flamingoes."
-- Alan
"He was holding [the groundhog] in his hand like a grapefruit..."
-- Stewart
"I had one of those weird moments with a sheep..."
-- Steve Jensen
"Anyone who steals our code deserves all the loss of productivity that will bring."
-- Dani (quote contributed by Monica)
"There is a login prompt for: David Evans. There is a login prompt for: David Evans."
-- Chris Lichti, over the phone announcer
"..if someone subclasses a POR, not through the normal method, they deserve what they get."
-- Steve Morrisson
"Is rand() thread-safe?"
-- Ralph
"It's const, it's const, it's const. Otherwise Microsoft is stupid."
"Don't go there. You just lost your argument."
-- Stewart, Steve M
"Did you or did you not just rewrite most of this while I was on the phone?"
"Yes, but we wouldn't have done it if you weren't on the phone."
"Well, *I* would have done it if I wasn't on the phone..."
-- mlh, stewart
"Ascii art is a lost art."
-- Stewart
"Ada failed because no one could write an Ada compiler."
-- Stewart
"Who cares about unsigned integers? We CHECK!"
-- Stewart
We have run into a slight 80-Characters-No-Longer-Suits-Our-Creative-Naming-Needs problem."
-- Stewart
"Oh, you haven't even seen the part we consider ugly yet."
-- Steve M
"When I said 'we're gonna think about it', I meant we're going to think about the right way of doing it, not think about it as a way of dismissal."
-- Stewart
"I asked because someone has lines that are 84 characteres long. They know who they are."
-- mlh
"Changes made during code reviews are invariably buggy."
-- ralph
"If it's over 60 lines long, it's probably wrong."
-- mlh
"...I don't care if you change reference to 'thingy'."
-- ralph
"Uh, if you have more than one user when you get to the destructor, you're fucked anyway."
-- ralph

"Would anyone who has a cool alphanumeric pager please stop by the cafe for a few minutes?"
-- Chris Lichti, over the speakerphone

"My team is doing the same thing we do every week: Trying to take over the world.."
"You don't have enough people to take over the world, Dani."
"I know. Let's hire some more."
-- Dani, Mark
"You'll have to extensively harass Stewart to get his performance reviews in. The only downside is that he might actually enjoy it."
-- Mark, to Amy
"Yeah, they've said 'Totally cool, sounds great, wish our own developers did as well.'"
"Sounds like an auto-response message."
-- Mark, Norbert
"Hey, foo'! Don't you DARE touch Source-Safe, it's mine now!"
-- Nick, in a ghetto-boy voice
"We have a doc page?"
"The easy answer is that I use the API pages. The more difficult answer is… "
"I always look at the API pages, but the stuff I want explained is never there. Can you fix that?"
"Get rid of the DPF stuff, we don't need it anymore."
"I can't believe someone said to get rid of the DPFMT stuff."
-- various replies to "So, what do you use on the doc page?"
"I was told that this code was written by Mr. Horowitz and back then the philosophy was that the code was done when he finished writing the code and it didn't blow up."
-- Nick Jong
"Of course it's better, it's in XML!"
-- Stewart
"Can you set it up so that if the margin is too small it can prove Fermat's Last Theorem?"
-- Dani
"If you must nap, don't do it on the hardware."
-- Stewart, to Steve Jensen
"The only change in this file seems to be that you've decided that indenting virtual methods is for the weak."
-- Ralph
"I thought this was part and parcel with naming any struct that was too complicated and held information 'info'..."
-- Dani
"It's kind of like chopping off your hand and reattaching one with six fingers. That's the problem with implementation inheritance. We don't have modular hands here."
-- Stewart
"...garbage collection is garbage collection. Nobody on the face of the planet ever said garbage collection solved locking problems."
-- Mark
"You DO think in SGML. I can tell."
-- Jean, to Monica
"...she's washing her hands often; just don't lick her."
-- jms about her daughter Sam having pinkeye